Alix Oslon - Armpit hair

There were no seats on the subway 

so I had to grab a strap

As I lifted up my arm I heard a scream "what’s that?" 

I took a look around, 

I thought "there must be something scary".

Like a lion or a tiger or the Virgin Mary?

But then, I noticed they were looking at me. 

I heard "oh my gawd! They’re hairy!" 

You turn thirteen, they put a razor in your hand 

To teach you the difference between a woman and a man. 

You see, chicks smooth their pits 

so boys can smooth the chicks. 

But I was different, I wanted to smooth the chicks, 

I wanted to lick their pits!

Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (I like it)

Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (spike it, spike it!)

I was walking around brooklyn 

when these cool guys drove by 

They said "we’re looking for a good time baby, 

wanna ride?"

I flashed my biggest smile, 

I said "hey, sounds like fun" 

Then I flash my armpit hair. They turn. They run. 

Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (it’s a weapon)

Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (use discretion)

Well, I hear that the Senate is planning a convention 

to pass an amendment 

On body hair prevention. I’m planning on attending, 

I’ll be sitting in the front row.

I’ll have chains on my pits screaming 

"Hell no, it won’t go!" 

I’m like Inspector Gadget, when I unfurl my curls

I lasso all the bad guys, then I rope in all the girls. 

Well, I figure I owe ‘em cause they saved me 

From the clueless and the hairless Patriarchy! 

Armpit Hair, Armpit Hair! (you know it)

Armpit Hair! Armpit Hair! (grow it, grow it!)

Well, I want to go to Europe, the land of Brave and Free

Where it’s considered natural for girls to be hairy.

Where gillette don’t make a profit off of 

keeping womyn busy

As pleasers with their shavers 

and their razors and their tweezers. 

So to all the boys and the men 

with the furry, furry masses

With the ape like backs 

and the very hairy asses. 

I don’t find that particularly pretty

So get your opinion out of my hairy pitty. 

Armpit hair! (forget..) Armpit hair! (gillette)

Armpit hair! (don’t cut it) Armpit Hair! 

(rapunzel swung from it!)

They say, "cut your clits and shave your pits, 

and cover your tits!"

We say- bullshit. 

Cause I use my curls to be at one with the world 

like when I’m out camping

And I lay myself to rest

I sleep with my arms up 

so the birdies can nest.

So stop and reconsider just what they consider natural

Cause armpit hair is simply 

Mammally Factual.